


I’m Gonna Love You Like I’m Gonna Lose You

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, Reunion, bellarke reunion, my dreams, so close
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:19:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: “Bellamy, they have C-Clarke” Monty repeats, her name almost doesn’t pass his lips because it’s been so long. His feet were frozen where he stood, his left hand was grasping hard at the remote afraid it would break, a huge smile on his face that causes his eyes to crease.For Bellamy, oh , The realization of the girl actually being his partner, was astonishing.Or Bellamy being trusted by the Eliguis people only to find out that Clarke Griffin was being held prisoner and being interrogated during his first time in the control room.





	I’m Gonna Love You Like I’m Gonna Lose You

**Author's Note:**

> Can writing be considered an addiction at this point? Enjoy! :)

The Earth has gone through two waves of nuclear radiation in the span of 100 years, both wiping out most who inhabit it every time. If it didn’t kill people, it killed their sanity. 

The grounders, roam the ground beneath them in a concrete cell that forced rationing and the diminished will to survive. They were the dangerous ones, but he learned to take a liking ; most of the time, by force. 

They may of been a threat to Bellamy Blake and his friends before the second death wave, but now they had his sister. The sole reason he wanted to come back to Earth, and had hope on every fiber in his body was alive. He’s always described this planet as the most beautiful thing he’d seen, but he realized the value of beauty behind a blood bath. It goes everywhere, makes you loose your conscience the second, the warmth soaks into your skin and reminds you of what you did. That was the life Bellamy lived for eight months, painfully reminded of how real the survival of the fittest process was, because of how much blood soaked into the ground because of his own two hands. 

Six years later, and Bellamy knows he should’ve used to time to focus on his health, but now he was back on the ground, and definitely wasn’t joyous about it. 

Octavia was the only thing that mattered to him now, because that’s the life he’s made for himself. That’s the life he didn’t promise to Clarke’s mother, and now he’ll pay for it. 

In Bellamy’s life, being with family costs a price he always willing to pay, and now he’ll have to explain to a lonely mother that he can’t return her daughter. 

The realization burned more than nuclear radiation ever would, or maybe he’s finally numb to his pain. Bellamy knows his mistakes, the biggest being leaving the woman he cared for on the ground. 

It was already hard to breathe everyday with a weak oxygen supply for five - let alone, six years - and Bellamy had to live everyday with grief piercing his poor heart because it was broken in two. 

God, it was always his fault. 

                  

                     

* * *

 

How far are you willing to go to fight for the enemy? To work with the people who can take away everything you’ve come to know with a snap of their fingers, or the firing of a gun? 

Bellamy would do anything to protect his friends ; his family in space, and he had to get over his paranoia to trust those people. When they took him as prisoner, listened to him scream to be released, and hissed when they’d see the red blood make the metal cuffs slippery. Nothing but struggle and pain. Something he was supposed to be immune to by now, because Eliguis people weren’t grounders. 

Now, Bellamy was trustworthy. Eliguis trusted his friends, because they were valuable. Earth had always been his home, the place he would come back to after the toughest times. Space was temporary, no matter how long the human race lived up there. 

His home wasn’t a person anymore, because people can be forgotten. Even worse, found dead and you can’t return back to somewhere you felt the most comfortable. All you feel is cold air pass through your body, like you’re made out of the dead trees that litter Earth. 

Bellamy hates how much he knew about the place he left, from Polis, to the ruins of Arkadia skeletons and bones that will haunt him till the day he takes his last breath. He knew those people. Now they were ghosts, sacrifices to save the rest of his people. If you will. 

“We’re trying to get through to a young woman. She’s in her late 20’s, and we may not have been alive for the past one hundred years, but she’s the most feisty person I’ve seen” Zeke says, glancing to the side to make sure Bellamy and Monty were keeping up with his pace as he strode down the hallway. 

The narrow halls of Eliguis felt even more slim with Bellamy’s taller stature with Monty beside him. However, Bellamy nods, knowing he’ll do anything to help them. 

If he helps them, they’ll help him rescue the bunker. 

“Does she have any sicknesses because of radiation? She must of survived Praimfaya” Monty adds, watching as Zeke’s eyebrows furrowed because he didn’t know what praimfaya was. 

“The death wave...that’s what our people called it” Bellamy finishes, clearing his throat as his strong gaze settles on the door they’ve finally reached. 

Zeke mumbles something inaudible, and Bellamy snickers. 

“To answer your question Monty, no she seems healthy. It’s unusual but a miracle to all of us” 

The control room. 

It was rusted, with the metal almost peeling off at the frame, and the copper shone through. Zeke and his people finally had enough prisoners defrosted, so they’d have a big army. It was strength in numbers, and it was the army they’ve developed over time. 

They thought it was all they’ve needed to survive, but then Eden came into the picture. Survival was more than just about fighting, it was about thriving. 

Bellamy was willing to help with any information he could tell, especially if he knows the person who got captured. He’s doing this for his people, even the bunker. The thought of rescuing the bunker scared him, because he isn’t sure if Abby or his sister would welcome him. 

“We haven’t had newcomers in years, so excuse any weird looks you get. Everyone’s been on edge since she’s arrived, it’s exciting” Zeke adds with a toothy smile, grunting as he turned the wheel to open the door. 

“Where did you guys find her?” Monty asks, crossing his arms as the smell of dew and gun powder fill his nose. 

Bellamy looks down at the control panels that make up at least half of the room, with colors so bright, it could of blinded him. People were talking around him, mumbling into mic sets with handguns placed right next to their hands. 

Like, they were ready for an immediate attack. It was expected, since they were a big spaceship coming back to Earth. 

But, who was alive above the ground? Absolutely nobody. 

“She’s from Eden. The only inhabitants we found when we invaded her home, I felt bad personally....but she was so willing to fight back. So we had to do something” 

Zeke points to the shock bracelet on his right wrist, referring to the obedience everyone on this ship had to endure. 

That was their form of punishment, with no killing. It was slightly more sane than what his people did ; like sending people into the dark abyss of space and gravity. 

Which would of been nice. 

Bellamy and Monty both nod, agreeing but words getting caught in their throats because what can you say? Hurt was still being imposed on humans, and Bellamy isn’t sure what humanity he has left in his soul to agree. 

Zeke reaches for the remote, turning on the computer screen. 

 

“She has one of those?” 

 

“All prisoners do, but she has a shock collar.” A simple answer for a complicated situation. Bellamy feels sorrow, because the poor woman must feel alone and anger for everyone who captured her. Resentment. Like how everyone felt for him because of all his wrong doings. Zeke sighs as he continues speaking, "She's different, and we appreciate the fight. It makes the blood flow alot easier after a century, you know?". Bellamy stays silent, not falling into the trap of temptation and humor. It didn't feel like a laughing matter, and Monty realizes that too. All though, Bellamy watches as Zeke loses the playful smirk on his face when they lock eyes, because the slow pace of the conversation was unsettling. 

The computer screen turns on, showing two men and the prisoner. The men were guards, painfully reminding him of the Ark and what he’d seen when his reckless mother got floated. They were dressed in black armor, old because it’s been in storage rooms for decades. Bellamy knows because Eliguis was gracious enough, to let him take the armor that fit him best. The room was dimly lit, light fixtures were dangling weakly above the center of the room. It could fall and easily hurt any of those in the room, but Bellamy knows the atmosphere was tense and hard to break down. Even in his weathered blue T-shirt, and the same black pants he’s worn too many times to count, his normal was always in that guard suit. That’s what Bellamy wears to protect his people. 

The girl was blonde, with short hair and pink tips that made the fiesty characteristic all too real in his mind. The three men could only see the back of her head, and Bellamy couldn’t help but feel his heart slowly feather to dust. That woman looked like her, made him feel the way she did, and he couldn’t even see what the prisoner looked like. 

Hope does that to you, whirls you back into this cycle of longing until it ripples you back into the vicious torment of wanting. Basically, hope sucks when you lose too many people in life. Bellamy's eyes couldn't help but graze over everything she was, from her cuffed raw wrists to the dirty shiny hair of the girl. 

Monty thought the same thing, admiring her leather attire. Her ensemble was all black, but the jacket looked so familiar to him. 

Too similar, like he's seen it before. 

The blonde hair seemed to reflect bright light onto the worn material jacket, the straps at the shoulders were detached from its holes, and it honestly looked too big on her small frame. 

“What do you guys want from her?” Bellamy asks, curiosity getting the best of him. One glance at Monty, who’s eyes are glued to the screen like how Bellamy used to stare outside the Ark window for hours.

”She’s been living here for six years, she knows Eden like the back of her hand. If she won’t give it up, then that’s what we fight for.” 

Suddenly, Monty grabs the remote from Zeke’s hand, feeling the adrenaline pump through his veins. It was the feeling he got when he first returned to the ground after so long, without his best friend but with all his family waiting for him. 

His eyes searching frantically for a button that’ll switch to an opposite view, to show the girl’s face because he’s tired of waiting. 

Bellamy just stares, his eyes slightly wide as he lets Monty do whatever he thought was right. 

He finally gets it. 

Bellamy hears the button click, and the computer finally switches to a side view and the woman with the dirty blonde (and pink) hair had blue eyes. 

Like the ocean, like the lakes that sat between Arkadia. 

She had dried tears down her face, dark circles accompanying her tired eyes, her dry lips were chapped. 

Monty let’s out a gasp, knowing he was right. It’s her. It’s Clarke. 

For him, it was easy to recognize her and to accept her survival, because Monty knew his friend wasn’t dead. Clarke Griffin was too stubborn and strong to die. 

For Bellamy, his eyes were tranced by the blue in her eyes. The blue he had chased for six years, the ocean he never thought he would dive into again. 

“Where is she?” Bellamy demands, a lowness to his voice because he can’t look away and his ears turned numb to the sounds other than Clarke’s voice. 

“Bellamy, they have C-Clarke” Monty repeats, her name almost doesn’t pass his lips because it’s been so long. His feet were frozen where he stood, his left hand was grasping hard at the remote afraid it would break, a huge smile on his face that causes his eyes to crease. 

For Bellamy, _oh ,_ The realization of the girl actually being his partner, was astonishing. 

But, one long look at the collar around her neck like some animal, and that’s when Bellamy realizes the meaning behind Monty’s words. The prisoner was his partner, his everything, his purpose to lead his people, his Clarke Griffin. He’ll be damned if he lets anything else bad happen to her, because he's always protected her. 

“You know her?” Zeke asks, breathless as he turns to the two. 

Bellamy doesn’t even answer the question, because he runs out of the room too fast to reconcile what could happen if he said yes. Because _yes ,_  he knows the new prisoner that everyone was so excited to see. 

All he could see in his mind was her frightened face, how much she’s grown over the years. Bellamy just had to get to Clarke, he needed to see her with his own two eyes, and not through a computer screen. His boots were heavier than usual, the weight of the world was finally giving in, and Bellamy thought he would never run fast enough. 

Where was she? Every cell on the prisoner ship looked exactly the same and for once, he hates being an outsider. 

Bellamy was running down the halls like a maniac, bumping into people left and right. He didn’t want to cause a scene in the first place, but his heart was always in Clarke’s hands, and she isn’t dead anymore. She was alive all these years. 

He’s alive, and he feels like he’s able to believe it. But you know what they say, believing is seeing. God, how Bellamy is anticipating seeing Clarke. His body is buzzing like bees, his fingers were tingling in his clenched hands, vulnerable to anything and everything. 

“Clarke!?” 

It even shocks Bellamy, the name erupting from his throat loudly, because he’s never screamed her name before. 

He calls for her again, hating how the tears brimming his brown eyes, were already close to falling. He's always been one to belong in a box that's different from everyone else and that's what he's always been, but as his eyes search frantically for anyone who would know where Clarke was, he prays he was accepted into this inhumane society. The only thing ringing in his ears besides his rapid heartbeat, was the realization of a higher power -  **anything** \- making sure Clarke didn't die in vain. To validate all of Bellamy's ache and strength. He wanted all of this to be worth it, the time without her by his side. If this was true, if she was somewhere on this ship without him knowing, Clarke was alone for six years. 

Maybe someone payed him pitty, for all Bellamy has been through, because he finally sees something. 

A tilted helmet pops out of a small room, ten feet away at most, and Bellamy knows he found her. His feet were burning with the amount of effort actually put in to run as fast as they could possible go without giving out so soon. Bellamy rakes a hand through his black curls, wiping away the single tear that still hasn't fallen from his eye, preparing himself for the moment he thought he'd never have. 

It was the only thing he says, "Take the collar off the girl." 

One of the guards turns to face Bellamy, easily sliding the helmet off his face with only confusion written. They've never seen eachother, but that doesn't stop Bellamy from staring down the older man with as much intimidation he could give. 

"We can't do that if you don't have orders from Charmaine" A hint of superiority was shining in his voice. 

Bellamy tried to ignore the obvious shaking of his hands because he was so close to the one thing that's kept him alive for so long, his reason to thrive everyday, was just behind those stubborn guards. 

"Do you trust Zeke? I was just with him" Bellamy questions, knowing how every prisoner feared them both. Fear was something every human being was instilled with, born with the feeling that enables that fight or flight response, and he can't turn away. 

Both guards share quick glances, only proving Bellamy's point, and thankfully one of them nod their head with biting lips because everything was happening so quick and everyone knew who Bellamy and his friends were here for. 

Help. 

That's who Bellamy has always been, because that's how the Ark treated him. However, he watches when one guard makes his way back into the room going to release Clarke and he feels his palms sweat, the nerves building with every breath he takes. 

_"Bellamy!"_

A voice speaks out to him, Clarke was startled by the aggressive hands of the guard who's been trying to interrogate her, rough hands typing a bar code into her shock collar and wonder only fills her brain because what the hell. She heard a voice outside her room, a voice that sparks light into her world of sudden darkness, a world she wanted to forget. But, there was always one problem because, forgetting a world that hated her would only mean losing the memory of someone who loved you. 

A special someone. 

No matter how hard Clarke tried, she couldn't refrain from calling his name again. 

"Bellamy! I'm here" She chokes out, almost literally because the guard still wouldn't let go. She could hear a loud slam against the wall, and it only felt like an attack on her own well-being because she's nervous. 

Bellamy almost forgets about Clarke, his knuckles freshly bruised and a ugly snarl on his face, because anger was the only thing fueling his fire. All of the love and hope in his veins had subsided, the guard testing his patience and intelligence when it came to protecting his people. The words of  _I'll find joy in watching you die after all this_ and  _I hope you remember how to survive winter when we win Eden_ passes the lips of the stubborn guard. 

He couldn't resist not punching the guy in the face, knuckles burning when he hears his jaw pop, and a proud smile only grows on his lips when Bellamy watches the poor man stumble on his feet and fall against the wall. 

"This is how I protect my people, not hurting innocent people for something you don't deserve"

Bellamy shakes off the temporary burn of his fingers, finally walking into the room like nothing had happened. But, something big is happening and he can't imagine feeling anything less than adrenaline. 

That's when everything pauses, time stood impossibly still because this moment is something that only comes once in a lifetime. The bonding of two hearts coming together as one yet again, the head to his heart. 

Clarke shakes her head, feeling her blonde hair shake along with her actions when the collar finally gets broken off from her painful weight of her neck. She can't stop looking at him, admiring his beard that reminded her of some rabbits she had skinned in previous years, a horrible analogy for something so nice. But that's all she could think of, because all she wants to know is Bellamy Blake. 

"Be-Bellamy?" Clarke croaks out, her throat dry with the forthcoming tears threatening to pour out of her soul like a lost wonder of the world had been discovered because it was so beautiful to witness again. Her breath hitched in her throat, afraid to breathe the sweetness of the moment when all she could smell was the leather on her clothes along with the smell of his old clothes too. 

"I can't believe this-" Bellamy walks towards her, wanting to look away because it couldn't be true, but he  _can't_ look away because it was true. He stops himself when he gets to stand in front of her chair, she's inches away from his touch. Inches away from chasing his grasp on her body, like it would be the last thing Clarke would ever think to do. 

"-I can't believe you're alive. I've dreamed of seeing you again, maybe in heaven if we were lucky enough, but not like this.” A shocked Bellamy turns his position so that he would lean his upper body around Clarke's chair so that he'd free her restraints. The calmness to his voice was a surprise, almost like the peace before a storm because it'll hit you harder than any grounder who has hit you right in the face. 

"I never thought of you as a dreamer" Clarke breathes out the breath she's been holding in, her fingers twitching with the grazing of Bellamy's own untying her hands so soft like she’d disappear if he was anything more, like how she'd hold Madi at night with the fire burning so bright. 

"You'd be surprised how much I'd still do for you" Bellamy's voice shakes like an earthquake before it awakens, because it hasn't hit him fully yet. Even with her soft hands despite killing, the feeling of her twitch only sent sparks up his arms, fueling his desire to admire everything she’s become. His heart spoke nothing but truth, knowing he hasn’t used it in six years because of her worry. 

It could burst. 

Clarke's eyes become glassy, reflecting the fragile reunion with someone who means so much. 

She could burst. 

"You okay?" She whispers to him, Bellamy's hands quickly squeeze both of hers because they both know the full context of those words. They were never okay with what they did on the ground, but it was better to withstand with someone by your side because falling with a cushion is much more comfortable than falling face first into a mess you know you can't escape. Clarke knew better than to ask about being alright with living without her, but she  _doesn't_ know any better. 

He was so much more than just a person to her. It made her insides swirl because he survived too, and he’s so close. 

The butterflies were exploding in her chest, when her wrists finally lose the pressure of the metal scrapping her skin, free of what she's known these past few days because of the new place she doesn't know.

Bellamy immediately drops the cuffs on the floor, ears slightly sensitive to the sound, but it prepares him for Clarke standing and throwing her body at Bellamy like it would be the last time they would embrace ; they didn't do this the last time they saw eachother. He’s the place she never wanted to leave, wanting to leave the immense emotional pain that followed after Praimfaya. 

 "How could I ever be alright without you?" Bellamy speaks the words into her blonde hair, kicking the chair aside so that his body would be as close to hers as possible because it's what they both wanted so desperately. He engulfs her into the tightest hug he can offer, almost fighting the urge to cry when his arms find their place above her hips, hugging her curves. 

“It was supposed to be five years, not six years. Bellamy, it wasn’t supposed to be 2,199 days.” Clarke sobs, her right hand clutching at his shirt collar. 

“I thought you were dead, I didn’t rush to come back to the place that separated us, that took you away from me” Bellamy admits, his head spinning with her teary blue eyes that shined so much for him. 

He swallows the lump in his throat, accepting the burn that comes with it when she just looks at his face. Clarke’s eyes were roaming every feature she could, starting from his scratchy black beard to the mirrored glossiness to his brown eyes. 

“You thought I died?” She questions, a frown growing on her quivering lips. Didn’t he trust that her nightblood would work? Clarke contradicts herself because she herself, thought she wouldn’t make it after waking up two days after praimfaya to burns on her body. 

“I didn’t want to, but after everything this world did to us, I couldn’t help myself after a while” Bellamy replies, wiping away the wetness on her face. He already wanted to end all of her sadness and fear, knowing Clarke had been through so much. 

“I’m alive” Clarke says, a nodding smile consumes her as if she’s trying to convince herself too. Bellamy closes his eyes, feeling her hands tremble on the sides of his head. He’s okay with her. 

“You’re alive, Princess” Bellamy chokes out, not holding himself back from setting his lips on her forehead. A shock for the both of them, but Clarke lets his mouth linger a bit longer. 

“It’s been so long since you’ve called me that, Bellamy” Clarke couldn’t stop grinning with the tears falling freely down on her cheeks. 

“I’ll say it as much as you want, because I’m not leaving you again” Bellamy feels his voice lower, almost above a whisper because she wraps her arms around his torso again. Quite frankly, he doesn’t want to let go either. She plants her small feet on Bellamy’s, like how a small child would do, preparing herself for what’s next. 

Clarke’s arms wrap tightly around his neck, pulling herself up as Bellamy lifts her barely off the ground. He held onto her like a lifeline, breathing her in deeply, how he’s been wanting to for years. 

With his fingers tangled in her hair, holding the back of her head because she’s so delicate for him. The blood on his knuckles in comparison to the blonde hair color of Clarke, it reminds him of the life he had. He couldn’t be more grateful for the reminder because it was a life that had Clarke in it, even if it was chaotic. 

“Are the others here? Are they okay?” Clarke breaks the few seconds of silence, pulling away slightly to talk. She hadn’t seen the rest of her friends, and the need is growing to know. 

Bellamy grins. “We’ve been living here Clarke” 

“I’ve only been here for a few days, how is that possible that I haven’t seen you guys?” Clarke asks, her bold eyes were wide. 

“They just let me into the control room today, so I couldn’t see how they ran things. They trust me” Bellamy says slowly, afraid she would get the wrong impression. He remembers Monty, wondering if he was trying to look for the girl as well. 

“I’m so proud of you” Clarke says sheepishly, her cheeks blush because she’s never told him that. His hand creeps at the bottom of her spine, pulling her just a bit closer. 

Bellamy’s eyes crease, making sure his only focus was on the girl in front of him when he feels joy and pride spread in his veins. That’s all he wanted to hear. 

“I missed you so much” Bellamy’s heart grew impossibly more, then he feels Clarke swipe the few tears that escaped his warm eyes. 

“I missed you more, so much more Bellamy. There’s so much to tell you” She grasps at his blue shirt collar again, pulling him down so that her head could rest in the crook of his neck. Bellamy feels her inhale against his skin, wondering how life would be different for them if they’d been together. However, all he feels is the tingling rupture when she breathes against his chest. 

“I’m right here.” Bellamy answers, words filled with love. Clarke feels his hand rest on her hip and she’s at peace. 

Bellamy Blake is her place, her peace with the harm she’s done. 

“So it’s really been 2,199 days?” 

“All I could do was count the days until I saw you again-“ Her fingers try to grasp at his large hand, only to be met half-way and suddenly they were holding hands. 

“This is all I’ve dreamt of” 

That’s all they were, smiles. 


End file.
